Tis the Season to be Married…And Drunk.

Ho, Ho, Holidays. Family. Food. Hugging. Fake smiles. Fake laughing. Questions. Family. Questions. Oh, and did I mention family asking those questions?  First you walk in the door and pretend to be happy to see everyone as they say hello.  They make small talk for awhile, then usually an uncle asks the age old question…

“How many boyfriends?”

Sometimes I want to respond, oh I can’t remember.  Yesterday I had breakfast with the guy who spent the night before, then went to lunch with his friend, then met up with another one for happy hour, ended up getting another guys number and going for late night drinks.  Oh, and I had a dinner date in between there.  Not to mention, I woke up with some random in my bed this morning that I had to shove out of the door before my scheduled booty called arrived.  Yeah, next year that is my answer.

You finally escape the first madness, but then you walk in to the kitchen that is housing all the middle age aunts and cousins who turn and stare at you.  The subtle glances at my left ring finger.  Yes, it is empty.  I noticed your stare, and thank you for noticing my independence.  And the fake smiles, laughing, and conversations begin. Typically, this is when I head to the wine bottle. 

You have that annoying cousin who just keeps talking about how great her life is.  How she has this amazing fiancé who is buying her a dream house, bought her dream car, and how she doesn’t have to work because he doesn’t need her to; so she spends her day at the gym, spa, and mall spending his money.  Girl, you should be working out because you have nothing better to do.  Of course these cousins have that high-pitched, fake voice that literally makes your ears ring.  C’mon, everyone has one.  If you don’t, it’s probably you.

Finally, it is time to sit down and eat.  Meaning this family reunion is almost over.  You fill up your plate with all the good stuff, mine usually consists of lefse. I’m Norwegian.  Just as I am about to take a bite into my brown sugar heaven, the life questions begin. First it’s the “Oh, you’re still in college?” No I graduated, thank you for NOT sending me a card.  “Now what are you doing with your life?” Oh, you know, living off the land, eating Ramen noodles. Sorry I didn’t bring a dish to pass.  Grandma talks you up like you are some kind of rockstar, when really  you make minimum wage and hardly paying your student loan debt.  By the way, Grandma can I have twenty bucks?

Once you have stuffed your face full of turkey and pumpkin pie, you go home, sit down to a pint of Ben & Jerry’s and you think to yourself, my house is quiet. With a subtle chuckle thinking about my cousin’s children running around screaming because I kept shoving cookies and all things sugar in their face. 🙂

Forever the Black Sheep.