Prince Charming, and His Damn White Horse

I heard on the news the other day that tomorrow, Friday, January 11th – the 2nd Friday of the New Year, is the most popular first date day. First date… Hmmm… awkward!

All The Single Ladies, All The Single Ladies – Beyonce

The awkward first eye contact, hand shake / half hug; it’s good to see you.  Because really is it?  Don’t you just want to be at home sitting on your couch in sweatpants eating popcorn like your “couple friends” are doing, or eating a pizza all to yourself like you did last Friday? 

After you jump that first hurdle of greeting each other you have to get through the small talk.  The “How are you?”  “What did you do today?” “How about the weather?” when you really don’t care how that person is, what they did, or what they think of the weather, because at this point you don’t care about this person whatsoever.  

You order something to drink, usually an alcoholic beverage because you never know where the night will lead. You may need that buzz later on whether it’s making bad decisions or just surviving the evening.

Finally, you find a topic to talk about that you both have in common, favorite band, and tattoos; even sometimes the people around you are amusing.  You begin to giggle, oh, and the alcohol starts to kick in followed by the touching.  Finding ways to touch his arm, knee, and hoping he will hold your hand.

Together you decide the environment you’ve been in for the last couple of hours is getting dull, so someone suggests a different venue or just going for a walk to “talk.” Ohh the walk, and it’s not the walk of shame, yet.  You take them up on the offer because you feel like you should – and the booze is telling you to do things. Shit. This is the moment of the first kiss. What did I eat? Did I remember to brush my teeth? Do I go to the powder room for the tenth time of the evening to check myself? Any gum? Should I go to the bathroom? …and MUAH, you missed, he missed.  It either ended up on your cheek or their cheek.  Now what?  Laugh.  Try again.  Damn.  Welcome to the awkward first date.

I won’t write you a love song.

The age-old question: Do you believe in love at first sight? No, no I don’t. Putting yourself out on the dating scene is a bit intense.  First of all, where do you find said date?  You can’t meet anyone at a bar these days, either you’ve had too many vodka-seven’s or they’ve had too many whiskey Cokes. 

Second problem, you are the only person in your group of friends left single.  The rest of your friends are too into their significant other’s mouth to be concerned about what you are doing with your mouth.  I guess I wouldn’t want them to be concerned about my mouth though.  Hmmm…bad example. You get the point. 

Third, once you get that first date, you probably already hate that person and you still don’t even know who they are.  They tell me to slap a smile on my face and just be flirty.  Why?  When that isn’t who I am? 

Ohhhh, because I have to play the game.

Forever a cat lady.